Up Ahead
Future tripping is the worst kind.
To hear Bodine read this essay, click here:
Lately it feels like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and up ahead of me is only a crater in the ground. How am I meant to keep going?
First of all, we are meant to keep going. We have to because this is our time. I know it's our time since we're here, and reality doesn't make mistakes.
But the how to keep going can be hard. The way I'm learning to surf the uncertainty, this draining ambient anxiety, is not by turning off my fear, which I can't control. But fear and love are emotional opposites: moving towards one takes me away from the other.
So what of love can I put in every single thing I do?
Looking at life this way, it is a series of choices, all the time. Like how lazy am I, or how kind to a stranger? And asking myself, is there love in this? It at least makes it easier to notice my own autopilot self-sabotage.
What I'm trying to do is pay attention. Clues for what to do next are everywhere, but only for my own immediate next step, not about what's coming, or how to stay safe forever. The next right action is all I'm allowed to know, and the only thing I have to do.
It's often something I don't feel like doing, because I'm tired, or it's boring, or I feel guilty. No one is going to stand over me, insisting I take my next right action, or not torpedo my life. Getting to do what we want is the gift and challenge of Earth school. I find this a responsibility worth owning, rather than ignoring or giving away.
I can't change the past or the present, but I can have a little sway on the future. The trick here is not making things worse. Like don't spread fear.
Commit to love. Commit to love and next right action. Commit to more ways to enjoy your life. Commit to not giving up.
And trust the path to appear one step at a time.
In this era of flux, the universe is eyeing you to see what you can handle. Believe your life could be better, could be big and exciting and filled with purpose. You'll know what to do when you need to, so pay attention and say yes. Recognize you can handle something great. But don't think you'll have a say in how it goes.
Take care of your mind and your body, starting right now, and forgive yourself everything that came before. It might be too much for who you think you are, but it's not too much for who you are.